ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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