We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
