my being single is dangerous.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
