it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
