The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
