dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
