this just has baby written all over it
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
