We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
