Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
