Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
