jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
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I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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