There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
