I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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