do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
