the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Randomize
