I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
