"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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