I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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