Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
there is puke in my bra ... again
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