i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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