That's when you crack a 10am beer
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
