my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
