I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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