Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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