Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
