i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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