I puked a lego.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
this is an emotional support booty call
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
