He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
