Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
