Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
