When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
