What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
