I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
