After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
