he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
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