We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
