Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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