i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
