Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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