omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
