im six kinds of drunk right now
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I want a musical about memes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
