I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
