Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
