So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
