Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
