Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
