Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
