Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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