Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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