she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
