: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
