Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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