dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
