how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
