i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
