I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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