yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
