So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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