p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Randomize
