I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
