I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
