And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
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Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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