oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
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Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
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