um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Randomize
