My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching her eat just hurts me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
