yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
