Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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